Week 20

Today's Weigh in:

-.8 pounds

Total Lost:
55

Current Weight:
203.6

I dropped slightly less than a pound today, which is great news considering I thought I had gained weight.  Yippee!

Day 136: Compliment

A funny little story I thought I would share with you today...

It's always nice to receive compliments on my new figure.  It really does get me motivated to continue and lose those last 20-30 pounds (depending on my mood - I still haven't figured out that final goal weight).

Yesterday, two of my colleagues, people I don't see regularly, mentioned how good I looked.  One said you could even see it in my fingers.  Apparently I had sausage fingers before!  (I kid, hey, I love the compliment!).
Another person who noticed my weight loss was a virtual stranger.  I was on the Cable Car going to Union Square for some errands and one of the conductors was a man I chat with occasionally.  Just before I got off the car he asked if I had lost weight - he said "You look different.  You look skinnier."  I like how he said that, it made it sound as if I was okay before, just "skinnier" now, emphasis on the "er".  At least that's how I took it, no matter how it was intended.

Day 135: New Lessons

Over the past few weeks I have been pretty hit and miss with this diet.  As I've mentioned before, my decision to go on maintenance was premature.  However, it's been difficult trying to get back on the diet.  I'll have a few good days, then something will happen and I'll eat something I'm not supposed to eat.  The next day I go back on ... then a few days later ... I eat again.

Sigh.

However, it's important to note the lessons I've learned from this.  When I've eaten "real" food, I actually don't feel good.  It's less about stomach pain from not having eaten food in a while and more (I believe) about not getting the nutrients I have been getting from the meal replacement.  It's kind of fascinating, really. When I have eaten "real" food, I have felt lethargic, draggy and almost depressed for at least a day.  Then, I go back on the meal replacements, and within a day or two my energy is back and I am feeling good again. I think it's a real demonstration about the power of food.

Now, if my meals had been full of nutrients, something like a spinach salad, it might have been different.  However, other than my first few meal attempts at maintenance, my diet was anything but super-healthy.  Again, a good less on the power of food.

It's important to remember that food is supposed to fuel our bodies to help them run properly.  Most of my life food has been something to enjoy.  I really need to wrap my head around a different way of thinking about food.  This isn't anything that's going to happen immediately.  It's taken 43 (ahem) years to get to this point ... and it won't take a few weeks or even months to reframe my thinking.

Day 134: Apology

I have to apologize.  I have been struggling lately with my diet and have not been posting regularly.  The sad thing is that now is the time to be more consistent with my posting.  Unfortunately, when I am not successful, I am not as motivated to post.  I am not feeling well today, so I  am not going to write much more, but I want you to know I am still a work in progress ... and that goes for the blog as well.  I'll try to post something more substantive tomorrow.

Week Nineteen

Today's Weigh in:

+2.4 pounds

Total Lost:
54.2

Current Weight:
204.4

For the first time since I started this diet, I have gained weight.  I am up more than two pounds.  This whole maintenance thing is starting to be a problem.  Hmmm.

Day 126: Starting Over

It's almost unbelievable how difficult it is to start over again.  I was only off the diet a few days and I feel like I'm back to square one.  I'm tired, I have a headache and I'm cranky.  Luckily, I'm not terribly hungry today, but I'm sure that will happen in the next few days.  I now totally understand why the group counselors say to stick to the diet and not eat "real" food.  It's tough once you've gotten off track.

The good news is that I'm back and ready to take charge of my weight.  I've had my little vacation and I'm ready.  I hope to get below that magical 200 pound mark by the end of the month.  That should happen easily - ideally I'll reach 190 by February 28th.  

Day 125: Back on Track

It's time to get back on track.  I strayed in the past week for a variety of reasons, none of which are very good reasons.  In reality, I just don't think I'm ready to go into the maintenance phase and eat real food. Today, I tossed out the leftovers from my visitors and am ready to get back on the diet and put my energy back into losing weight until I reach my goal.

I still have 30 pounds to go, which is pretty significant.  I'm not sure why I thought it was time to go on maintenance.  I'm clearly not ready.  I'll post my updated weight next week.  Hopefully it's not too bad.  As I mentioned yesterday, I just don't want to know right now.  Yikes!

Day 124: No Meeting

No meeting this week.  I had family in town and couldn't make my new meeting time of noon on Monday.  It didn't help that I was in a funk and feeling funky after eating too much "real" food this week.  I could have dropped into the office to weigh in later in the day, but I wasn't up to it.  I know I have gained weight in the past week and am avoiding reality for a few days.
I am getting back on track tomorrow and will weigh in as usual next week, I promise.

Day 120: Biggest Loser

Did anybody watch "The Biggest Loser" finale this week?  In case you didn't there's been a lot of controversy over the winning contestant's huge weight loss.   The winner was 24-year-old Rachel Frederickson.  She lost 155 pounds, nearly 60% of her body weight.  

Courtesy NBC Universal

Rachel started at 260 - which is pretty much the same weight I was when I started the diet back in October. She now weighs 105 pounds.  Crazy, right?  Lots of people on social media sure thought so.  There were lots of comments about how anorexic she looks now and what a dangerous example it sets for others.  Yes, it's a crazy amount of weight to lose in just a short time.  The show arcs over about 4 months.  I've been on a rapid weight loss program and only lost about half the amount of weight she did.  However, while she lost the largest body percentage, she didn't lose the largest amount of weight.  Another contestant lost 175 pounds - which is even more than Frederickson.

It's so easy to sit on the computer and judge someone based on how they look.  We don't know what she did to drop the weight once she left the ranch or what was going through her mind.  The bottom line is that it's a competition and she was trying to win money.  It's TV people, and like it or not, it's about entertainment, not about teaching people life lessons.  My guess is, she's going to put on some weight in the next few weeks as her body gets back to a "normal" pace, instead of the constant workouts and dieting.

I also feel like there's a significant amount of body shaming all over TV and the internet these days.  Whether women (men too, but especially women) are too fat or too thin.  Everyone seems to have an opinion.  Why is it up to us to decide what's right for an individual?

I'm not one to judge whether it's healthy or not.  What do I know? I'm not there, I'm not a competitor.  I do have a friend that was on BL, but she's had nothing but positive things to say about her experience.  Take it as you will, but as for me, I wish her nothing but the best.

Day 119: Not Ready for Real Life

After my two days of overindulging, I have decided I am not quite ready for this whole maintenance thing.  I need to go back on the hardcore fast, and wait for the maintenance phase until I get closer to my actual goal weight.  I had hoped I could go back to sensible, healthy eating and continue to lose weight at a slower pace, but my lack of willpower the last couple of days proved I am simply not ready.

When I first began the fast, I was warned that the hard part isn't the losing weight, it's keeping it off.  The fast is simple, going back to eating is the hard part.  Whew, that's for sure.  Just a couple of days and I've already messed up.  I'm not being too hard on myself though, I just realize that I need to tackle more than just my eating habits.

One really interesting thing I discovered today - I feel better on the fast.  Part of it could be mental - a bit of disappointment in myself - but today I feel lethargic and almost depressed.  I'm not sure if it's the food or what, but I find it fascinating that I'm not feeling very good.  I'm not sick - I just don't feel like myself.  I'll see if I start feeling more energetic once I go back on the diet full force.  I told someone I was tired today, and he said I needed to eat something.  I had to laugh.  I did - I ate something and NOW I feel tired!

Time to get back on track and lose those last 30 pounds.  I'm so close I can't give in and give up now!  It's kind of sad this happened right as I was about to cross that 200 pound mark.  Hopefully I can get going again quickly and get below 200 in another week or so.

Day 118: Blowing it Big Time

Today I spent most of the day at Stanford Medical Center with my sister and brother-in-law.  He was having surgery on his sinuses, so I was hanging out with my sister, keeping her company.  I planned ahead and brought some nutrition bars so I wouldn't go crazy ... and what did I do ... I went crazy.

Right after my brother-in-law went into surgery we headed over to Nordstrom to buy my sister some shoes and grab lunch.  I was pretty good.  I had an iced tea (with no sugar) and a salad with grilled shrimp.  I still am no good a judging calories, but I figure it was around 500-600 for the lunch.  Not too bad.  However, by dinner-time I went nuts.  We went to California Pizza Kitchen.  I ordered the fish tacos, thinking it was a good choice.  WRONG.  I checked the calories a few minutes ago and there are more than 1,000 calories in the Tacos.  Wow!  Apparently they were friend and not grilled - although I couldn't even tell that when I was eating them.

Oh ... and I also had a cupcake.  That, I am well aware of, was blowing it.  By this time I just couldn't help myself.  I was so far off the wagon, I just didn't care anymore.  Sigh.

Day 117: Maintenance Part 2

Today was kind of a nightmare.  I ended up eating too much at lunch.  I ordered the Egg & Bacon Tartine with a side of grits.  What the hell was I thinking?  I only at a couple of bites of the grits and worked around the bacon.  However, this was probably still a 1,200 calorie lunch.  Sigh.  Maybe I'm not cut out for real-life dieting.

Day 117: Maintenance

I have decided to switch over to the maintenance mode of the diet today.  This means I will slowly start incorporating real food into my diet plan.  I still have about 30 pounds to lose, but I figure now is as good a time as any to start learning how to eat properly.
As far as this diet goes, this means I will start eating a bit of grains, veggie and protein - one meal a day.  This means I can have a small salad with salmon or chicken (for example).  The rest of my meals will still consist of meal replacements.  This should last for a week, or so, then I can start eating two meals a day, and so on.
We'll see how it goes.
Today will be a challenge.  I have my first official "maintenance" meeting at noon, then I am meeting a friend for lunch at Brenda's French Soul Food Restaurant.  Not sure what I'll order.  I'll have to let you know how it goes.

Day 116: Super Bowl

Today is a different sort of challenge.  It's Super Bowl Sunday and that means lots of food and goodies all over the newsroom.   Take a look at today's spread:

My co-workers were very kind and brought fruit and Diet Coke even, but I'm doing my best to avoid all the snacks.  

I do find that it's getting tougher and tougher to avoid temptation.  The problem with dieting is you can't go cold turkey on food.  You have to eat.  Short of locking yourself away at home - it's a minute by minute challenge.  I just keep telling myself that even if I mess up tomorrow is another day.  So far so good though - I haven't cheated.  Yet.